I don't know about you but every year on this day I make a New Years Resolution or as I like to look at it as an "Intention for the New Year." I want no pressure but pure inspiration. So I wrote it out last night and I hope it inspires you to do the same. Make it simple, clear and written on the exhale.
I am inspired by Danielle LaPorte, blogger, teacher, coach, change-maker and speaker. I love this
Cosmic Radio: an audio contemplation for total encouragement
She says, "If this audio experience doesn’t open your heart and get you to sit up prouder … well, it will. This is a sonic love letter from your fellow earthlings. For best
results, play on repeat and before and after every lunch break." Give it a listen and let it open your heart: Cosmic Radio
Yes, it's the end of 2012 and we survived! I knew we would. However, I also knew that the world would end as we knew it. I could feel it in my blood, my soul and my gut. It was no surprise, in retrospect, that I had surgery on my gut right before the end of the year. Did I plan it? No. Have I learned lessons? Yes. Let me be an example of a woman who pushed too hard, fought to make things work and swam against the current. It was a lot of struggle and effort. It's a really bad habit....just functioning on adrenalin. Now, reflecting on this past year, I know to flow with the river, breathe in the brilliant air and exhale the dark night of the soul. Be the eye of the hurricane and dance with the wind of life.
We have just twirled into the new world, new energy and a road with a new adventure. No longer can we push against the flow of the life force but be one with it. Yes, I am getting very philosophical but it feels good to my soul. In the warm vortex of pure positive energy I feel like I have just sipped on a cup of sweet hot chocolate. Oh, this is what I long to feel in this new world, this new year! I deeply long for breathing space and the opportunity to turn it down a notch, to slow dance across Lake Hollywood which is my ultimate symbol of my environment. I seem to walk the line between Hollywood and Bollywood. In the rambling of my blog I think I will discover what my bliss is or at least get a sip of it. So bare with me while I dive into my poetic self and play with some thoughts.
This New World everyone is talking about, does anyone feel it? Or is it a bunch of new age babble? What are your thoughts? I mean, really this year I felt something coming on. It felt like my skin was peeling and I was about to put on a new suite. I truly hope that 2013 is easier. However, let's get real, it's me creating it not the year! But it feels better to blame it on the year. I must say, 13 is my lucky number. I am grateful for all that I have accomplished this year, bumps and all. It's been a fabulous ride so far and I expect it to be even better.
I stumbled upon a video of 13 year old Talia Castellano who has been battling cancer for six years. She follows her passion and her bliss by creating a youtube channel and gives makeup tutorials. She is smart, funny, fearless inspiring and adorable. She is really great doing makeup! Her dream was always to be on the Ellen Show. She started a campaign to get Ellen's attention. She accomplished her goal and was featured on Ellen's show several months ago.View Talia's segment on the Ellen Show.
Talia was surprised with being an honorary Cover Girl!
Talia says:
"Having cancer has been a gift yet a horrible, horrible, terrifying thing. But I've gotten so many benefits from it...
Having a Youtube channel and having to inspire people and having
people look up to me and explaining to you guys how I love and adore
makeup, using it as my wig and having so much self-confidence to go out
to the grocery store without a wig... it's just amazing."
This young fearless girl gave me such fearless inspiration. When I get pains in my gut or experience fatigue and start feeling depressed, I think of Talia and it makes me stop, inhale and connect with what's important for me. When you see someone so young having such a challenge and still pursuing her passion in-spite of it all, it makes me pause to think, "What is stopping me from going for my passion and following my bliss?"
I am grateful to Talia for her fearless inspiration. I am a big fan of hers and subscribe to her Youtube Channel. Plus, you can learn a heck of a lot about makeup!
Fearlessly Yours,
Mary Ann
PS: Don't forget to buy your copy or copies of my new book Fearless Women, Visions of a New World. Just this month when you buy a book you get the second one for half price! You will also receive free a Fearless Women, Visions and Wisdom Calendar 2013 It's a great holiday gift for a fearless friend, Mother or Sister. Call the studio to order this special and have them personally signed. Order NOW: 323-874-8500
For the last couple of months I feel like I crashed and burned. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me. My body has been screaming for change, relief, rest and healing. In old posts you can glean the gory details...really not so gory and not too many details. I went to a doctor at UCLA who studies stress, the mind and digestive disease. After sitting with me and my husband Joe (who is my prince of healing) for over an hour taking down all the history of the last two months with other doctors, he asks me if I meditate. Joe started explaining what meds I was taking. I said to him, "Joe he didn't ask if I medicate. He asked if I meditate!" I think we were both stunned that a medical doctor asked me such a simple but profound question.
Just as I write this, my former assistant, Michele called. She and her partner moved to South Carolina to a small town to "get back to basics." She explained that she felt so much stress in her life and wanted to connect to the simple things in life, walking on the beach, meditating, contemplating on who she was on a soul level and what is the perfect passionate next step for her to take. These words are simple inspiration for my ears, gut, heart and soul. I inhale the relief at the idea of "going back to basics."
Don't we all say, "I've been so crazy busy!" We profess it like a badge of honor. It's part of our social facade that we have to keep people at arms length, mask what we are really feeling and run from fear which is truly our underlying motivation. The pain in my gut is symbolic of what is going on in the world and my world. I feel like I have swallowed the energy of this planet shifting. Why do I do that? One of my major messages in life is, "I have to work really hard to get what I want in life." Everything must be toil and effort. Somewhere in my consciousness is the big fear that I won't financially survive. What if I get too ill to work and bring money in? It's a bunch of shit that I bought into and a big lie. However, I have swallowed and digested those toxic thoughts again and again and now it's time to poop them out once and for all and not eat them ever ever again!
Today will be my day of meditation and contemplation on what "going back to basics" means to me. It's time for me to discover the real world of beauty, peace, joy, prosperity and give it to myself and then, then give it to the world.
It's my birthday next week, December 20th. The day before the end of the world. I feel that my world as I have seen it, through the lens of struggle, is ending and a new one is beginning. It's my Birth Day! I welcome the new and improved version of me in my new found choice of simple inspiration and going back to basics.
Fearlessly Yours in Love, Inspiration and Joy, Mary Ann
In my pain and wounded being, I breathe through the sadness, the discomfort, the fear and the hopelessness I feel in my broken body. Yes, me, the fearless woman...I feel broken. I know I am NOT broken but sadly that is how I feel in this moment of wallowing in self pity. Hey, I know it's there so why not take advantage of the drama? I'm an artist I deserve a piece of wallow!
My decision to blog about the depth of my darkness is part of my plan
(do I have one?) to heal my body and soul. I know on the other side of
this is "pure positive energy and bliss." Consciously, I know that I have a choice to feel good or to feel bad. My belly aches, not only from
being cut into and probed but also aches from the emotional pain that is
bubbling up into my heart. Is this resistance? What am I resisting? Perhaps I am resisting gratitude. However, I am caught hemoraging this angst that is so palpable that it throbs throughout my body and rings in my ears.
In the past, this is where I would hide out, posture or whine and cry to my sweet husband Joe. Here's where I step out into my new self and see the new me rising above all this "stuff." Here's where I reach out to those I know love me, support me and allow me to dive into the muck and mire of my dark diva. Here's where I allow me to "sit with myself." Here's where I let go of my perception of who I am supposed to be as a "fearless" leader. Ouch, that makes me cringe. Here's where I breathe into the healing of what Spirit has to offer so beautifully, sumptuously and lovingly. Here's where I sit in my truth. Here's where I open my tired eyes to inspirational teachers and soak in the wisdom of their experience...
“This month I invite you to sit with yourself in the middle of a
feeling that is uncomfortable. Feel the pain. I hope you can hear me
whisper this to you, with the love of the ages in my voice, a strength
and gentleness that wraps around you. I have faith in your ability to
heal yourself. I have faith in your ability to contain and absorb and
dance with the truth of exactly where you find yourself in this moment.
I have faith in all of us.”
-Tama Kieves, enewsletter
So here I sit in my purple chair gazing out at the gray sky with palm trees poking up to the clouds. I hope it pours again. I long to stand naked in the rain to cleanse my whole being. Then my earth body would be clean again and I can take it off, hang it on the line to dry and let my soul glow magnificently with the freedom that it should be.
It's the simple things in life that arise when one goes through a huge life experience. Seven days ago I had emergency surgery on my intestines. After a month of feeling belly distress and only being able to ingest pureed foods and juices, I saw a series of doctors who ordered a CT scan. With a history of having an unusual intestinal blockage and having emergency surgery eight years ago, the doctors felt that I may have another blockage and needed it taken care of asap. So the night before Thanksgiving I had laproscopic surgery. Finding no blockage and lot's of scar tissue from my former surgery, the operation was successful. Now a week later I am grateful to be recovering and healing.
Going through a health challenging experience gives one pause to reflect on what life is about. What have my choices been to bring me to his point? How hard did I push until my body creamed, "Enough!" What is my true passion? How do I want to be in my new "beingness?"
I love what Tama Kieves rights in her book, Unstoppable: Wildly Succeeding in Your Life's Work, "Okay, spirit, I am willing to take your hand. I don't know when the timing should be. I don't know what this should look like. I know you love me and want me to blossom inside my soul. I know you/ve reminded me that I don't need to push the waves or blow on the wind. I need to relax. When I am struggling I am trying to force something too small. So help me get out of the way."
So in my stillness of healing, the reflection of my wounded belly, my soul screaming, heart-storming moment reaching out to Spirit, I clearly see gratitude in the simplicity of life. The simple act of my sweat husband Joe making me scrambled eggs. The taste of the first bite that feeds my body craving for nourishment. I am so happy, so grateful, so humbled by all the simple abundance of this experience and the love I feel so deeply given by Joe. Exhale...
Time for a nap, rest and the fearless healing continues...
There are many things that have made me feel edgy lately. I think I unleashed my cranky girl on my last blog and have gotten cranked up. Having ones cranky pants on gives one a different perspective. Yes, I'm a spiritual woman and all, and lately I just don't see the point in pretending. I've noticed there is a tremendous amount of pretending these days or "fake it til you make it" syndrome. Look at facebook and you will notice it. Most often, it's just someone trying to convince you they are happier, prettier, cooler and have all the answers. So you MUST take their workshop, go to their webinar or buy their books. Well, I'm just not like that. No...I'm not pretending like all the others. I have nothing to sell except a new book, Fearless Women, Visions of a New World, a Fearless Women Global Membership site and a Fearless Women Mountain Retreat. I'm very honest and transparent. Really I am!
So in my crankiness I dive into the water of truth to see why the snarky girlfriend is rearing her pretty head. My mouth turned down I forge forward into the dark and light of life. Oh, how brooding and poetic!
So here's my thought...I think we all have a cranky girl (or boy) sitting inside us, especially now! I know the theory, what you focus on you become but honestly let's get out the stress, mess and truly confess how tired, pissed off and worn out we are. It's frigin intense in the world right now and somehow we are shamed to think we have to put on a happy face. Let's go to the window and throw our computers and yell, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"
Doesn't that feel better? So here is what I am proposing...I am gathering all the cranky pants girls, ladies so tightly wound that they are about to bust, fearless women who have worked themselves into a frenzy, pissed off chicks that haven't given themselves a break in years, sassy snarky babes that are at the end of their velvet ropes. I'm calling you all to gather together in the mountains August 2-5 to release and to let go, get hysterical, have a slug-fest to free the monster that keeps you a slave to a heavy life.
Yes...my cranky fearless powerful women, I dare you to join me in this transformational gathering of women determined to experience their hysterical darkness and then tread courageously into the light.
So I am renaming this retreat in honor of all of us striving to make a mark, a difference and leave a legacy of grace and goodness on this planet.
Hike to the top of Mt. Pinos, The Chumash Ancestors call, "The Center of the World."
Drum the sun down at 9,000 feet
Visioning Circle
Return to your life refreshed, renewed and inspired
I want to gather powerful women that really need this! It's hard to have a vision and change the world if you can't change your own. Register Now! or email: info@fearlesswomenglobal.com
or call 323-874-8500
I am, on most days, a really positive person. Really, I am! Today....not so much! So I found this description of fear and thought, "right on....damn straight....shit, someone has to say it!"
So I'm feeling fearlessly feisty today. I'm feeling my emotions, my anger, my fear, my exhaustion, my sassyness, my joy, my darkness and my soul....screaming at me. It's real, it's intense and it's authentic.
Is it just me but are we all pretending that everything is perfect in our world? :) Is it just me thinking I'm the only one feeling all these feelings and feeling really pissed off and ashamed? :( So I'm coming out to say, enough is enough. Let's some thinking "The Secret" is the end all. Let's stop believing that we are creating every negative or challenging thing in our lives. Let's just put our tools of torture down and stop flogging ourselves with the velvet strap.
I'm not saying to walk through the valley of the shadow of death and pitch a tent there! I'm sayin that perhaps it's time for a scream fest. Am I being cranky? If so, just crank up my cranky girl cause that's just where I'm at. Fearless? Yeh...that's me the leader, the messenger, swimming into my fear of whatever is in my way and diving in. Like a synchronized swimmer, I would love to just gather with my fearless women water dancers and choreograph a drunken splash fest. Sounds frigin fun to me!
So here I am, the fearless messenger, leading out of my mess. Wow, I just had a head rush...what was that? Perhaps my authentic self just popped her crazy ass head out of my heart to give me a rush of reality.
So please, my fearless friends, don't tell me to focus on all the good, have faith and see the beauty of everything or any of that new age babble cause I'm just not into it right now! I'm feeling a bit like Lewis Black, who created a comedy album called Show of F*ck (although it's not censored), Fran Lebowitz, who said, "This is the best time to be a grouch, in all of history" and Katie Goodman's song, "I didn't Fuck it up."
Okay...I hope I cheered you up, made you laugh, think, feel or got you pissed off. I hope it made you feel something!
I feel better now...thanks for listening with your eyes and hearts!
I went to a yoga retreat in Costa Rica many years ago. On the four hour bus trip from San Jose to the retreat center, Samasati
my yoga teacher, Purusha asked us to create a yoga name that we would
be called for the week, something we aspired to be. I saw a butterfly
and thought how beautiful, fragile, strong and transformational it was.
That's what I aspired to be. However, I longed to be enchanted and
create enchantment for others, thus, Enchanted Butterfly.
Since
2000, I have facilitated Women's retreats in the mountains 70 miles
north of Los Angeles. It's an enchanted mountain community referred to
as "The nearby faraway place" and the best kept secret in California.
When you are in Pine Mountain you feel like you are thousands of miles
from a big city. Founded by our fearless Chumash brothers and Sisters,
Pine Mountain is nestled between two mountains that create very powerful
transforming energy for all who visit.
The goal for
my retreats is to create enchantment for all who attend. I never promise
transformation, although it happens more often than not. The
enchantment starts when you arrive, continues with the greeting of the
other women, the room you stay in, the food you eat created consciously
and lovingly by Chef Joe, the yoga with SunJay and the silent hikes in
the magical forests. Enchantment is felt by all.
I want to share some thoughts from some of the women who have attended the retreats in the past:
"The
Fearless Women Retreat is an experience not to be missed! I was able
to attend a Fearless Women Weekend hosted by Mary Ann Halpin and Joe
Croyle and continue to be amazed by the transformation that took place.
The weekend itself was very special and I felt very nurtured, a real
break. But the power really became apparent when I saw how it opened
my eyes to who I am and where I am at in my journey. How often do you
get to look at yourself from a different perspective? I walked away
from the retreat knowing that I had seen where I was personally on my
journey and even better, being OK with it. Healing, enlightening, soul
feeding and nurturing - if you need this in your life, I highly
recommend the Fearless Women Retreat Experience!"
Rebecca Metz, Minnesota
"An amazing experience with amazing women! Perfectly planned for body, mind and soul rejuvenation.
One of the best retreats I've ever been to."
Rose Pagonis, Chicago
I
am honored to hold the space and create enchantment for all who attend.
I am looking forward to these next two retreats in August and September
and know that they will be a treat for those who welcome enchantment.
Do you ever just hit a wall and say, "Can I just stop the
world and get off for a while?" What are your thoughts around that? Mine
go like this..."let's sell everything and get an RV (a very nice one)
and hit the road for a while." My friend Liria said to me today, "Are
you at the RV place again? What is that, a past life as a gypsy?" I'm
thinking that perhaps she's right.
